If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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