You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
