Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
