I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
