I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
