His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
