You're my little dorito
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
