She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
