I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
