Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
