the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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