Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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