I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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