I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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