nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
