She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
