he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
