i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
