When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
