There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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