so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
