areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
