Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
