she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
