she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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