how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I smell stomach acid.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
