Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
