I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
