just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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