I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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