it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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