watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
