Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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