ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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