Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
