Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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