I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
