Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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