i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ttyl tear gas
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
