Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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