just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think your dad took our porno
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
