i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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