I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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