you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
