sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
