Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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