Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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