things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
