I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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