Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
