Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
