you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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