I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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