So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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