I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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